Father and Mother

The Big Idea:

God wants people in families to honor and respect each other.

Goal:

We should honor and respect our parents and other caregivers.

From God to the Neighbor

In the first three Commandments, the focus is on our relationship with God. Beginning with the Fourth Commandment, we learn how keeping the First Commandment also tells us how we are to treat the neighbors God gives us. Since they live “next” to us for much of our lives, we may consider (as God does) our parents to be our first “neighbors.”

Bringing Life into the World

Parents have a special job. When God makes new creatures, they aren't created out of nothing like back “in the beginning” (Genesis 1). Instead, God creates new life out of other stuff. That stuff is our parents.

When we fear and love God, we must also respect God's wisdom in choosing our parents. To do otherwise would be to say God got it wrong. But God got it right, because we exist. And so we honor our parents above all other people. No brother, sister, neighbor, friends, or stranger in this entire world has ever been used by God in the way your parents were. For that alone, God says, they deserve to be honored.

Luther once wrote,

“If we had no father or mother, we should wish, on account of this Commandment, that God would set up a block of wood or stone that we might call our father or mother. How much more, since he has given us living parents, should we be happy to show them honor and obedience”

Honor for a Big Job

We often take for granted all the things our parents do for us. They have to manage a household. They try to make sure we have all the basics for daily life, like food and clothing and shelter. God has given them the task of providing safety and security. They're called to make sure you are welcomed into each day with love and to bring you back to what's good and proper when you do wrong.

It's not easy being a mom or a dad. A huge revelation comes when you hold a child in your arms and know you have complete responsibility for this little one. God knows what a big job it is too, so God expects children to honor those who have been given the job.

Honoring your parents is easier said than done. It means holding your tongue. It means obeying them. It means respecting them. It means contributing to the well-being of the household they're in charge of. It means taking care of them when they are too old to do it for themselves.

It's important to note the calling to be a father or mother is not a license to do anything you want to your children. When parents neglect or endanger their children, they need to be called to account for their sinful actions and the children need to be protected. In these situations, parents' actions don't show care for their children. God provides for trusted authorities and other adults whose job it is to care for children in those situations.

Most people know their parents. But for some, their birth parents needed to hand their calling from God over to someone else: adoptive parents, grandparents, stepparents, or foster parents. They assumed the role of parents and have all the same responsibilities, and the Commandment to honor applies to them because the job has been transferred to them.

Others in Authority

In his explanation of this Commandment, Luther speaks of “others in authority.” God passes on some parental authority and responsibility to other people around you. They look out for your safety and protection when you are not directly under your parents' care.

These are people like teachers and principals, police officers and judges, Sunday school teachers and pastors, camp counselors and coaches. While parents can do a lot for their children, they can't do everything. So these people add to what parents can do and, thus, as extensions of our parents, they also should be given the honor and respect the Fourth Commandment demands.

Adolescent Connection

Honoring father and mother is the bridging Commandment between our relationship with God and with others. It is not coincidental. Our first relationship is with our parents. This is the most basic relationship of our lives. When parents' words and deeds teach love, honor, and respect—of God and others—chances are very good these qualities will live in their children. Most teens go through a rebellious time, but if the foundation of love, honor, and respect is created, it can override temporary tensions and upheavals. Most teens know the love their parents have for them—a love that withstands the tremors of teenage behavior and demands honor and respect in return. God's desires healthy families, even though we all know this does not always happen.

Opening Prayer

L: God, you have blessed us with families who care for us.

C: Help us to know that our parents supports and cares for us.

L: Open our eyes to see they are our mothers and fathers in Christ.

C: Amen.

My Faith Story

Tell about a time when you were being “parented.”

• Was it an experience of joy, fear, or sorrow?

• Was it a sense of security and unconditional love?

• What are the joys of this parent-child relationship?

• What are the struggles?

• How does this relationship influence, or is it influenced by your relationship with God?

Cartoon Connection:

Is there a “Fourth and a half” Commandment?

Kids spend a significant amount of time away from home with caregivers, teachers, relatives, and friends.

• What does it mean to honor father and mother through these other caregivers?

Think about the other people you interact with on a daily basis.

• Share one way you show respect and care for these other people.

Forgiveness

The Fourth Commandment as a “bridge Commandment.” The first three Commandments focused on our relationship with God. The next seven Commandments focus on our relationship with others. The first and primary human relationship is with our parents. Parents and children who honor and respect each other can more easily discover and use the good life that God created.

If we are going to be living in this world with others, we have to learn how to ask for forgiveness when we have hurt them, and how to give forgive when they have hurt us.

• What's the hardest part of forgiving?

• What kinds of hurts may you need to forgive?

• What does this have to do with the Fourth Commandment?

Open the Catechism

Our society is award-obsessed, with pageants and presentations for every celebrity and daring deed. But how long does the excitement last? Until the next TV special. Honor is totally different. Honor is based on relationship and commitment. It is about who someone is, not what she or he does or looks like. It's not about being the best; it's about being, 24/7.

Open the Catechism to the Fourth Commandment and read it and its meaning. Wow! Despise and anger? God really knows how hard it can be to get along in a family!

Read Exodus 20:12 to find out why God wants us to honor our parents and guardians. God sees the big picture and created families to stick by one another. Note that the text mentions long days.

• Can you describe a long night you have gotten through with the help of your family?

Parents' and guardians' helping their kids honors their kids' worth. When kids “respect, obey, love, and serve” those loving parents, they simply bring that honor full circle.

Bible Connection:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Turn to John 2:1-12, and read aloud.

• Where does this story take place?

• Running out of wine would be the host's problem, yet who takes responsibility for it?

• Who does Mary go to for help? How does Jesus respond?

• Is this back talk ("It's not my problem") or respect ("No problem, I'm on it")?

• What does this story say about the relationship between Jesus and Mary?

Turn to 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. This poetic description of love was originally addressed to the quarreling church community at Corinth, but it offers good advice to everyone trying to live in close and loving relationship with others.

• Where does the main talk about love begin?

• How does Paul set up this discussion of love in verses 1-3?

• List the kind of characteristics love has?

• What do these characteristics look like?

Open your Bible to Genesis 37:12-36, and read aloud. Jacob labored to marry Rachel but was tricked into first marrying Leah. His beloved Rachel had trouble getting pregnant so the long-awaited Joseph being the favored son. The jealous brothers plotted to get rid of Joseph.

• How is this story an example of disrespect for one's parents?

Read Matthew 26:36-46

• What is Jesus praying for here?

• How many times does he pray this?

• How does he address God in this prayer?

• How does Jesus pray this?

• What clues are we given to know this?

• Did you know that Jesus struggled with honoring the Father?

• What are your reactions to this story?

DVD

Road Trip DVD

Discussion Time

• Write down ways you have witnessed your own parents honor their parents (your grandparents).

• Talk about a time you have been forgiven and a time you forgave someone.

• Write a thank-you note to your parents and give it to them tonight.

Music: Parents Aren't Perfect

"Kid" by The Pretenders

Kid what changed your mood
You've gone all sad so I feel sad too
I think I know some things we never outgrow
You think its wrong. I can tell you do
How can I explain when you don't want me to

Kid my only kid
You look so small you've gone so quiet.
I know you know what I'm about I won't deny it
But you forgive though you don't understand
You've turned your head
You've drop my hand

All my sorrow, all my blues
All my sorrow

Shut the light, go away
Full of grace, you cover your face

Kid gracious kid
Your eyes are blue but you won't cry
I know angry tears are too dear
You won't let them go

• What are some practical ways you can honor your father and mother?

• Can you give an example of a time when you respected someone's authority despite your disagreements?

• What was the result?

Closing Questions

• Does honor look the same in every parent-child relationship?

• What about parents who do not nurture and protect, but who endanger or neglect their children? Should those children honor their parents?

• What if one's parents and grandparents are at odds with each other? Whose authority should they respect?

Closing Ritual

L: Like a mother, O God, you gave us birth,

C: We thank you for the gift of life!

L: Like a father, you made us your children,

C: We thank you for the gift of life!

L: God, you gave us our parents who nurture and love us,

C: Help us to honor and love them.

L: Father, you gave parents who set boundaries and protect us,

C: Help us to respect and obey them.

L: Go with us, good Lord, as we return to our homes, and help our family, and all parents and children, to love one another as you have first loved us.

C: Amen

Closing Blessing

May God, who give life to all, bless your father and mother to be just and wise parents, and bless you to be a just and wise child. Amen

Honor your father and your mother.

What is this?

Answer: We are to fear and love God, so that we neither despise nor anger our parents and others in authority, but instead honor, serve, obey, love, and respect them.

- from Luther's Small Catechism, trans. Timothy Wengert, (c) 1994 Augsburg Fortress