Father and Mother – John 2:1-12

The Big Idea: God intends that people in families honor and respect each other. We are to honor and respect our parents and other caregivers.

From God to the Neighbor

In the first three Commandments, the focus is on our relationship with God. Beginning with the Fourth Commandment, we learn how keeping the First Commandment also points to how we regard the neighbors God gives. Since they live "next" to us for much of our lives, we may consider (as God does) our parents to be our "neighbors."

Bringing Life into the World

Parents have a special job. When God makes new creatures, they aren't created out of nothing like back "in the beginning" (Genesis 1). Instead, God creates new life through our parents.

When we fear and love God, we respect God's wisdom in choosing our parents. To do otherwise would be to say God got it wrong. But God got it right, because you exist. And so we honor our parents above all other people. No brother, sister, neighbor, friends, or stranger in this entire world has ever been used by God in the way your parents were. For that alone, God says, they deserve to be honored.

Martin Luther once wrote, "If we had no father or mother, we should wish, on account of this fourth Commandment, that God would set up a block of wood or stone that we might call our father or mother. How much more, since he has given us living parents, should we be happy to show them honor and obedience" (The Large Catechism, page 403).

Honor for a Big Job

We often take for granted all the things our parents do for us. They have to manage a household. They try to make sure we have all the basics for daily life, like food and clothing and shelter. God has given them the task of providing safety and security. They're called to make sure you are welcomed into each day with love and to bring you back to what's good and proper when you do wrong.

It's not easy being a mom or a dad. A huge revelation comes when you hold a child in your arms and know you have complete responsibility for the well-being of that little one. God knows what a big job it is too, so God expects children to honor those who have been given the job.

Honoring your parents is easier said than done. It means holding your tongue. It means obeying them. It means respecting them. It means contributing to the well-being of the household they're in charge of. It means taking care of them when they are too old to do it for themselves.

Others in Authority

In his explanation of this Commandment, Luther speaks of "others in authority." God passes on some parental authority and responsibility to other people around you. They look out for your safety and protection when you are not directly under your parents' care.

These are people like teachers and principals, police officers and judges, camp counselors and coaches. While parents can do a lot for their children, they can't do everything. So these people add to what parents can do and, thus, as extensions of our parents, they also should be given the honor and respect the Fourth Commandment demands.

Opening Prayer

My Faith Story

Share a strong memory you have of being parented. (or of being a parent.)

Was it an experience of joy, fear, or sorrow?

When were your parents just steady and reliable and gave sense of security and unconditional love?

What are the joys of parent-child relationships?

What are the struggles?

What are the regrets?

If you are a parent yourself, how does this relationship influence your relationship with your children?

How does this relationship influence, or how is it influenced by, your relationship with God?

Cartoon Connection:

Kids spend a significant amount of time away from home with caregivers, teachers, relatives, and friends.\

What does it mean to honor father and mother?

Think about all the people you interact with on a daily basis,

Share one way you show respect and care for them.

Handbook Connection

The Fourth Commandment is a "bridge Commandment." The first three Commandments focused on our relationship with God. The next seven Commandments focus on our relationship with others. The first and primary human relationship is with our parents. Parents and children who honor and respect each other can more easily honor and respect God.

If we are going to be living in this world with others, we have to learn how to confess when we have hurt them, and how to forgive when they have hurt us. A loving family can learn this together.

What is the hardest part of saying you are sorry.

What kinds of things might you need to confess when you hurt someone?

How can your parents help you learning how to confess.

What's the hardest part of forgiving?

What kinds of hurts, and whom, may you need to forgive?

What does this have to do with the Fourth Commandment?

Open the Catechism

Our society is award-obsessed, with pageants and presentations for every celebrity and daring deed. But how long does the award aura last? Until the next papparazi photo or TV "special." Honor is totally different. Honor is based on relationship and commitment. It is about who someone is, not what she or he does or looks like. It's not about being the best; it's about being, 24/7

• Open the Catechism to the Fourth Commandment and read it and its meaning.

Wow! Despise and anger? God really knows how hard it can be to get along in a family! Now read Exodus 20:12 to find out why God wants us to honor our parents and guardians. God sees the big picture and created families to stick by one another. Parents' and guardians' commitment to their kids honors their kids' worth. When kids "respect, obey, love, and serve" those loving adults, they simply bring that honor full circle.

Bible Connection: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Turn to John 2:1-12, and read aloud.

Where does this story take place?

Running out of wine would be the host's problem, yet who takes responsibility for it?

Who does Mary go to for help?

How does Jesus respond?

Is this back talk?

What does this story say about the relationship between Jesus and Mary?

Turn to 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. This poetic description of love was originally addressed to the quarreling church community at Corinth, but it offers good advice to everyone trying to live in close and loving relationship with others. Where does the main talk about love begin?

How does Paul set up this discussion of love in verses 1-3?

What kind of characteristics does love have?

Open to Genesis 37:12-36, and read aloud. Here is some quick background on Jacob and his clan— he labored to marry Rachel but was tricked into first marrying Leah. His beloved Rachel had trouble in getting pregnant resulted in the long-awaited brother Joseph being the favored son. The jealous brothers plotted to rid themselves of Joseph.

How is this story an example of disrespect for one's parents?

Read Matthew 26:36-46.

What is Jesus praying for here?

How many times does he pray this?

How does he address God in this prayer?

How does Jesus pray this? (Peacefully? Agitatedly?)

What clues are we given to know this?

Did you know that Jesus struggled with honoring the Father?

Music: Parents Aren't Perfect

The lyrics don't talk specifically about a child honoring or respecting their parents. However, the refrain is something that is very important when dealing with our parents, caregivers, and other family members: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Who are some people you respect?

Why should we respect our parents and family members?

Closing Questions